


Lucie's Lacey Let-On

by wish_i_was_a_dalek



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Kid Fic, Attempt at Humor, Some Swearing, These Kids Are Super Dramatic, attempt at crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13321641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wish_i_was_a_dalek/pseuds/wish_i_was_a_dalek
Summary: Dean jumped onto the wooden soapbox they stole from Charlie's backyard in the Great Soapbox Battle. "Men, you are about to be a part of a great mission. It will be very dangerous, but if you survive, you will come out as heroes!"





	Lucie's Lacey Let-On

The plan was set. Dean would get the makeup, Cas was in charge of the dress, and Sam was, obviously, to get the hair supplies.

"I still don't understand why I'm in charge of the hair," Sam complained.

Dean giggled while Cas explained. "It's because you have such long, amazing hair. You must know how to treat it. We will need your expertise in order to complete this mission." Castiel always had a way with words. Maybe that's why all the teachers liked him, Dean thought.

Dean jumped onto the wooden soapbox they stole from Charlie's backyard in the Great Soapbox Battle. "Men, you are about to be a part of a great mission. It will be very dangerous, but if you survive, you will come out as heroes," he preached to his brother and their best friend. "Are you two sure you are ready for this mission? Our brother-in-arms was shot down in the great Battle at Adam's house. He is still recovering. There is a possibility that you two could meet the same fate. Are you sure you want to go through with this? There's no shame in wimping out."

Castiel scowled. "No, sir, we would never give up on this mission! Adam's sacrifice is the whole reason we are on this revenge mission, anyway. We shouldn't view him as a reason to quit, but rather a face to rally behind! We  _ must _ get revenge for Luke's heinous crimes against us!" Cas really did have a good vocabulary.

"I literally have no idea what half the words you just said mean, but I'm in as well!" Sam lifted his nerf gun in the air, full of spirit.

Dean smiled at his troops. "That's good, because I lied. There is plenty of shame in wimping out. Also, if you two fuck this up, I will have to hurt you. For the Men of Letters! For our fallen brother! For revenge!"

Sam and Cas repeated, "For revenge!" All three of them scrambled down Castiel's treehouse and into his back door to complete their various tasks.

Dean made a beeline for the upstairs bathroom with his brother. They ravaged the cupboards looking for Becky's makeup and hair brush. Sam had no problem finding Becky's hair supplize, but Dean had destroyed any sense of organization in that bathroom and still hadn't found the makeup. He looked at Sam in worry. "It's not here!"

Sam glanced down the hall at Becky and Chuck's room. "Then it must be..."

"In there," Dean swallowed. He had never been in the Collins' room. They had a rule that no one was allowed anywhere in there. Dean just had to get the makeup, though, or else they would be screwed and Adam would never be avenged.

"You get the makeup," Sam plotted, "I'll clean the bathroom and keep lookout."

Dean felt a shiver crawl up his spine and his bones were cold. "What if they find me?"

"They're at work, remember? And anyway, I'll be keeping lookout."

Even the door to their room felt heavier, like it was made of pure iron. Dean was surprised to find there was no lock, but even more surprised to find Becky asleep on the bed. He gasped and backed out of the room to Sam. "Becky's in there," he hissed.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "So? She's asleep. You can hear her snoring from out here. You'll be fine."

Dean knew his brother was right. He tried again.

The makeup was on top of the dresser by the window. Dean had just grabbed the bag when Becky turned around and opened her eyes.

Dean screamed.

Becky screamed.

Sam screamed.

In another room, Naomi and Castiel screamed.

Becky jumped out of bed. "Dean, what the fuck are you doing in here?"

Dean dropped the makeup bag, which unzipped and its contents fell to the floor. He panicked and tried to pick them up, throw them into the bag while explaining himself out of this situation. "I, uh, need to borrow your lipstick, and well, I didn't want to separate the contents of your bag, so I just... I'll return it, I promise!"

Becky snatched the bag away from him. "Why on earth do you need makeup? And are you deaf? I've told you about the rule. Stay out of this room!"

Dean hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry, but I really needed makeup. You see..." He didn't have an excuse. Then, he saw his brother peeking in through the doorway. "You see, Sam is a transgender. And he needs to change into his female counter personality."

"Yeah, you have no idea what a transgender is. Get out of this room, Dean."

"Wait!" Sam ran in and punched Dean in the shoulder. "First off, that's for making fun of my hair all day."

"When was I making fun of your hair? I mean, it's really long for a boy, but-," Dean was cut off by another punch to the shoulder.

"We need the makeup because it's part of an elaborate plan to get back at your son, Luke, for hitting Adam with a rock last week," Sam explained.

Becky, who looked like she was about to vomit, glanced down at the bag. "If I didn't know better, I'd ask why my son would ever throw a rock at someone. Is Adam okay?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, it just winged his side, but he's scared to come back here. Can we  _ please _ borrow your makeup?"

"Here ya go. Now let me sleep." Becky handed Sam the bag and went back to bed. Dean smirked at his brother, who scowled at him. They quietly left the room and closed the door, Becky's snores following them out. The brothers continued on to the basement, where they planned to regroup with Castiel.

~~~

Everything had been going well for Castiel. Naomi was busy yelling at her boyfriend over the phone and doing homework in the corner facing away from him, so Castiel had free range of her room as long as he was quieter than her shouting. Naomi was always yelling at someone, and today her boyfriend was the victim. Castiel slipped into the closet and began looking for the perfect dress. He needed one that would fit Luke, Naomi's twin.

He finally found one, a dull pink gown with a bow. It was perfect. Just as Cas was about to make his escape, a loud scream rang out from across the second floor. Then a second and third. Naomi turned around at the disturbance to find Castiel holding her homecoming dress. She screamed in rage, and Castiel screamed in terror.

She chased him downstairs, into the kitchen where she pinned Castiel to the wall. "What are you doing with my DRESS?!?"

Just then she yelled out and dropped Cas. He peaked around her to find Dean holding an apple. Another apple was lying at Naomi's feet, where Castiel assumed it had fallen after Dean threw it at her to get her attention. Dean threw another apple at her. "Hey, you bitch! Guess what I've got!" Dean held up a heart-shaped locket. "Say goodbye to your friendship locket, Naomi!"

Naomi roared and chased Dean into the living room. Castiel grabbed the dress and dashed into the basement.

Sam closed the door after Cas. "Sam, wait! Dean's still out there!"

"I know, but he told me to shut the door after him. He made me promise, Cas!" Sam had tears threatening to overspill in his eyes. "He sacrificed himself for us, so we could complete this mission. He was a good soldier."

Cas gasped and covered his mouth as the realization hit. "Dean, he saved me!" Sam came over and put an arm around his best friend. "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault! Now Dean's dead," he wailed.

Just then the window to the garden opened and Dean fell through, hitting the floor with a loud, "Umph!"

His brother and friend jumped at their commander. "Dean, you're alive," Sam yelled.

"Of course I'm alive. Naomi's an idiot. I was able to lose her and sneak around to the basement window." Dean stood up and dusted himself off, only to be tackled by Castiel.

"I'm so sorry, Dean," Cas sobbed. "I had the dress, but then there was screaming and Naomi got mad, and then I was pinned against a counter, and...." He trailed off, gripping his friend tight. "You saved my life! Thank you!"

Dean pushed his friend off of him. "Don't thank me yet. Our mission hasn't even begun. Now we must move fast, before Luke wakes up!"

Luke had been sleeping in his room the whole time. He was a sixth grader, so he had sports after school. Then he would get home and take a nap, as usual. He was very predictable. The three avengers only had a half hour before Luke's alarm would go off and they would be caught, so they had to act quickly. "Now, we obviously cannot make him wear the dress, so we must place it on him so it looks like he's wearing it. The hair and makeup will have to be done in a way that it will not wake him up. Cas, you got the bobby pins?" Cas handed Dean the pins. "Great, I can get us in the door with these. Everybody ready?"

~~~

Unlocking the door took a bit of time, but Dean eventually got the door open. They snuck inside to find Luke laying on the floor with a book over his face. Dean smirked at his brother, who was still a little mad at him for making fun of his hair, but he smirked back. Cas removed the book carefully. They went to their respective positions and began. Cas placed the frilly pink dress over Luke's body without moving his brother too much, the last thing they needed was for him to wake up. Sam put little pink bows and sparkly hair ties in his hair. Dean tried to put makeup on the man without waking him up. Cas was done first, so he pulled out his phone and began looking for the best perspective to take the photo with. They only needed one.

They were almost done when Luke began to stir. Dean jumped back and clasped a hand over his mouth, Cas hid behind Dean, and Sam froze with his hands in the older boy's hair. Then he had an idea. Sam started massaging his head, lulling Luke back to sleep. It seemed to be working, Luke's face was relaxing and his eyes still hadn't opened. Then something amazing happened. Luke began to moan and move. His dress fell most of the way off, but no one cared, because Luke was talking in his sleep. "Ooh, Jessica, baby..."

Dean snickered and glanced at Cas, who was shocked. Dean made a motion for him to begin recording, and Cas obliged right away.

Sam continued massaging the man's blonde hair. Luke spoke again. "Jess, keep doing that, ooh, yeah." Sam giggled behind a hand, unable to stop himself. Luke opened an eye at the loss of contact and took in the situation; Dean laughing silently, Sam with a hand in his hair, and his brother videotaping the whole thing. His eyes widened and the left one twitched. Sam bolted for the door, Dean and Cas ran out behind him with Luke hot on their tails. Fortunately, his dress caught his feet and he fell on his face, but not before he could grab Castiel's ankle. Cas was pulled back into the room as he yelled out for his friends' help.

Dean turned back, but it was too late. Cas was pinned to the floor, his phone in Luke's hand, still recording. "What the HELL are you three trying to accomplish with this, boy?" There were tears of terror in Castiel's eyes.

Dean made a lunge for the phone, successfully grabbing it from Luke and throwing it to his brother. "Run home, Sammy! We'll meet you there! Protect the evidence!" He tackled Luke and brought him to the floor, Cas jumping on them both to keep the stronger sixth grader away from Sam and the evidence.

Sam ran the entire three blocks to his house with Castiel's phone clutched in his hands. He would not let his friends' sacrifice go to waste.

~~~

Adam was sitting on the couch watching TV when he got in. "Hey, Sam. How was the mission? Did you get the picture?"

"Oh, we got more than a picture," he chuckled. "We got the  _ best _ footage  _ ever _ , of Luke talking in his sleep. He even mentions his crush! By the way, who is Jessica?"

Adam's eyes lit up. "Oh, she's the most popular fifth grader. She's currently dating Luke's best friend, Crowley. Please tell me she is Luke’s crush." Sam nodded. "Oh, man we struck gold. Crowley will be pissed! Give me the phone, I'll upload it to YouTube."

Dean and Cas ran in a few minutes later, while Sam and Adam were hooking up his phone to Sam's laptop. "Are you guys okay?" Sam ran to his brother, who had a black eye. "I thought for sure you were dead."

Cas told them the harrowing tale. "Luke and Dean fought for a few minutes while I called my mother over. She saw Dean's black eye and that's all it took. She's probably still screaming at Luke," Cas giggled.

"Oh, and why was Becky even at home today? I thought she worked 'till five," Sam mused.

"She's been sick with the flu for the past couple of weeks now. It's usually only in the mornings, though. I guess she called out of work today." Cas seemed a little worried about his mom.

Dean gripped Castiel's shoulder."I'm sure she'll be fine. She's put up with you three for years, she can take pretty much anything." Cas smiled at his best friend.

"Guys, look at this awesome footage we got," Sam offered. They all gathered around the laptop to watch a recap of this adventure. Adam was rolling on the floor, laughing at Luke's confession. Sam cut the video off there, with Luke asleep, dressed in a gown with makeup on and his hair in pretty pink ties. "Come on, let's upload this. What should we name it?"

They thought long and hard for the perfect name. Ideas were thrown around for it. Among them were "Lucifer's wet dream," "Luke's secret," and "Lucie's lacey let-on." After a bit of arguing, Cas had the best idea of all; "Collins' Confession." It was beautiful.

All four of them sent the videolink to everyone they knew. By Monday the video would be viral. Dean stole a beer from his father's 'man cave' and they all raised a glass and sat back, letting Lucifer's world be destroyed.

"To a job well done," Dean announced.

"To good friends," Castiel raised his glass.

"To revenge!" Adam grabbed his beer (it was only about a quarter cup, as Dean had only managed to escape with one can of beer, but for the kids, it was enough to celebrate with).

"To Dean not making fun of my hair anymore!" The four of them took a large gulp and immediately regretted it. "Oh, god," Sam moaned. He was the only one who had managed to swallow it. Cas was bent over Dean's arm gagging, Dean had spit his all over himself, and Adam had managed to snort his up his nose and was crying on the floor. Sam decided then that Beer was disgusting and he would never touch the stuff again as long as he lived.


End file.
